Bulimia/ His Death/ Orange Juice

I’m kneeling on this floor,
The toliet bowl between my hands,
My knees hurt, my voice shakes.
I push my fingers down my hollow throat,
And watch as the discharge pours out,
I flush the toilet and collapse on the icy floor.
I can taste blood in my mouth,
But I’m too weak to stand back up.
I try to grab hold on the edge,
But I loose grip and fall back down.
There’s a knock on the door,
I thought no one was home,
A scream is followed by thunderous bands,
And I just lay there, helpless.
The screams are silenced and the pounding stops,
I can’t get up, I’m loosing control,
The floor gets colder by the minute,
I’m freaking out and my throat is sore,
I can’t take this toll, I have no control.
Screams are revised and I start to cry,
As I’m picked up, I’m told, I’m home.
But how can I be home if all I can think about is,
The next time I can throw up again,
My internal questions don’t mean anything,
If they can’t be answered.
I’ll just carry on and die, blood cold,
Until I learn that I’m not alone.

It hit me like a bullet,
He’s dead,
The boy I loved and cared for,
Is now gone, leaving me isolated.
His parents say it was an accident,
But I know the truth,
He committed suicide and suceeded.
I don’t understand,
We had a fight but it wasn’t all that bad,
There were tears and fears,
It all came down so fast,
And then he jumped,
Right off the bridge,
But I know it’s not what I did,
It was his choice,
And now he’s dead.

Orange juice falls off the table,
Glass shatters everywhere,
While orange liquid surrounds my feet.
Reaching for the broom,
I fall onto broken glass,
It punctures into me,
The orange juice explodes into a sea of red,
As I get up to examine my body,
I see the orange juice dripping off the table.
I grab a cloth and run it across the surface,
But it’s no good, the juice keeps runing downwards,
I grab the broom and start to clean the floor,
The juice dissapears slowly off the ground,
I pick up all the broken pieces of glass,
And place them in the trash.
Everything looks decent after a while of cleaning,
All this happened just by pouring a glass of orange juice.